imported>Goldnharl |
imported>Goldnharl |
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| {{JobPageHeader
| | [[File:clownfuneral.png]] |
| |headerbgcolor = red
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| |headerfontcolor = yellow
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| |stafftype = Clown
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| |imagebgcolor = pink
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| |img_generic = Generic_clown.png
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| |img = Clown.png
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| |jobtitle = Clown
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| |access = [[Theatre]]
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| |additional = N/A
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| |difficulty = HONK!
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| |superior = [[Head of Personnel]], The [[Honkmother]]
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| |duties = Entertain the crew, make bad jokes, go on a holy quest to find bananium, HONK!
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| |guides = No external guides - HONK
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| |quote= We really do live in a honk-sciety.
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| }}
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| [[File:Theatre.png|300px|thumb|alt=Theatre|The [[Bar]]'s Theatre is where you spawn along with the [[Mime]].]] | |
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| You are... well... the [[Beyond the impossible|funny person]] of the station! Honk honk! This usually means you play harmless pranks on people to remind them that life on the station is not to be taken too seriously. The Clown <strike>doesn't have to do anything</strike> must spout dead memes and ancient gimmicks until they are smited by the gods. Basically the clown's job is to goof off, much like an [[assistant]], but clowns don't usually listen to anyone because they have places to be, and things to HONK!
| | ==God speed you beautiful bastard== |
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| '''Bare minimum requirements:''' Be funny to ''other'' crewmembers. This is nearly impossible.
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| == [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] License to HONK ==
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| Nope, it is not a license to be a shit. Remember, you are still bound to rule one, as in don't be a dick.
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| '''When in doubt, ask yourself: "Are you irrevocably fucking with someone's round (killing, incapacitating, etc.)?"'''
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| '''If yes: don't do it. You'll probably get robusted and banned.'''
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| '''If no: you're probably fine.'''
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| == [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Pranks ==
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| [[File:Bike horn.png|400px|right]]
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| This is where the [[griffon|bad clowns]] are separated from the real ones! Pranks can range from anything from harmless honks to the head to throwing random banana peels (usually people hate you for this most of all) all over the hallways, or even spamming prayers to the Honkmother for a H.O.N.K.-mech because [[Roboticist|those assholes]] don't have bananium so they could make you one.
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| If you are really out of ideas and on the verge of being so bored that you'll soon resort to just being a dick, here's a few things a good Clown can do to entertain the crew:
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| * Tell bad jokes and puns nonstop
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| * Hold two horns (okay one can be duck) and rapidly switch hands while spamming the use key to dualhonk
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| * Ride wheeled chairs with fire extinguishers
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| * Wear cardboard suit and helmet and be a clownborg, beep boop honk
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| * Wear funny outfits from the [[Vending_machines#AutoDrobe|AutoDrobe]]
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| ** Be a pirateclown. Yarr, scurvy dog!
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| ** Be a gentleman clown. I say, good sir!
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| ** Be a gladiator clown. [[Songs#.EF.BB.BFFu.C4.8D.C3.ADk:_Entry_of_the_Gladiators_.28Circus_Music.29|Vale]]!
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| ** Be a priest clown. Praise the Honkmother!
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| ** Be a chicken clown. Cluck cluck bagawk!
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| * Bolt open the costume storage for the entire crew to use
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| * Get/pretend to be a random new job, and be terrible/amazing at that job
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| * Build a Clown-Mart in the [[Vacant Office]]
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| * Hide photocopies of your ass around the station
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| * Slip then shave peoples heads with a razor
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| * Annoy a targeted person of your choice by slipping them non-stop
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| * Make people panic with fake items from the arcade machines
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| * Say the word penis, but like. As loud as you can.
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| * Lube the halls
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| * Collect shoes from [[Assistant|Assistants]]
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| * Make a Conveyor Belt that makes non-stop noise
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| * Build a clown restaurant and run the chef out of business
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| * Insert donuts into people's pockets
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| * Attack Heads of Staff with the laser tag gun
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| * Create newsfeed channels and put out outrageous and slightly offensive accusations against people, along with photos
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| * <s>Vandalize</s> Improve random departments with [[crayon]] and spraypaint
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| * Write obscenities right outside the brig and get dog piled by security
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| * Make a [[Honkbot]]
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| * Make some [[Assistant|friends]] and start <s>an underground fight club</s> a circus
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| * Become the [[Shaft Miner|shaft miner's]] plucky comic relief sidekick on a quest for [[bananium]]
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| * Build an art installation and protect it from [[Guide_to_robotics#Cleanbot|cleanbots]]
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| * [[Curator#How_To_Add_A_Book_To_The_Database|Write a book]] with your best jokes to preserve them for future generations of clowns
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| * Show people just how [[ERP|stretchy]] a clown can get!
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| * Scare people in the halls by running at them with a toy knife!
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| * Try to tell an original joke, and be stabbed mid-sentence.
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| * Dress yourself up as a honk-curity officer, and "arrest" (honk) people for crimes against clown-kind!
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| * Commit a crime extremely terribly! Shock yourself while stealing, attempt to 'fight' someone and knock yourself out, run away with a valuable artifact and intentionally slip yourself.
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| * Stand outside of dorms and Honk your little baby horn until you are banned.
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| * Start a sex-toy shop right inside Dormitories!
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| * hehe honk :3
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| === [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Power ===
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| Both you and the [[Mime]] spawn in the [[Theatre]] and have access to all the costumes inside.
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| If the round goes on long enough, [[Roboticist|someone]] may be <strike>demented</strike> fun-loving enough to build to you a [[H.O.N.K.]]-mech. This mech even makes squeaky sounds when it moves <strike>instead of</strike> in addition to those awful clomping noises of other mechs. Make sure to attach the 'HoNkER BlAsT 5000' to it, for EXTREME HONKING! Honk!
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| === [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Honk ===
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| Honking is how you get your work done. If you honk a honk honk then honk up the honk, well you'll have a doozy of a honk on your honk to wash off.
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| === [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Equipment ===
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| You get the clown suit with matching squeaky shoes (with built-in Waddle Dampeners[TM]), a bike horn, clown stamp (for approving monkey crates) clown mask (which works like a gas mask), a special infinite rainbow clown crayon so you can start writing naughty words all over the escape arm or eating it like a giant honking baby, a can of laughing juice, a banana, and your slippery [[PDA]]. Your PDA can infect people's PDAs with a virus that makes it randomly honk, and possibly do other things? Who knows, HONK!
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| In the crate in the theater backstage you get extra toys like a megaphone and a pie cannon, to be extra obnoxious.
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| === [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Job Difficulty ===
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| Very little, but some people might want to kill you just for being the Clown. HONK! This is usually against the rules, so honk to your heart's content.
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| ==[[File:Bike horn.png]][[File:Bike horn.png]][[File:Bike horn.png]] Tips==
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| * The clown's mask can be used for internals.
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| * If the clown's PDA cartridge has less than 5 charges (sendable viruses which make someone’s PDA honk every time they push a button) left, someone who isn't the clown can slip on it to restore 1 charge per slip. Have fun with that.
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| * Eating the rainbow crayon completely is impossible. If you're a clown and starving you can just nibble on your crayon, for infinity.
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| * [http://aberrantkenosis.bandcamp.com/album/the-bike-horn-collection-volume-1 HONK!]
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| * Dye your clown shoes and slip them on someone, they still squeak.
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| * The clown's flower is basically a small spray bottle. It can be emptied and can carry 10 units of fluids and shoots exactly 1 unit at a time. So you can fire ten very small shots, and it has an impressive range. It can be loaded from the pepper spray wall units. Since it is one unit the stun does not last long, but it is good for a guaranteed disarm if they lack eye protection.
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| * If somebody is chasing you and you haven't emptied your flower of water yet, you can empty it on the floor for a slip that is less obvious than a peel is.
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| * The clown's PDA can be used in lieu of a banana peel; people will slip on it just the same. Just remember to take the ID out so when some chucklefuck takes it, you aren't left with no access.
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| * Telling a few jokes or having a funny gimmick can mean the difference between getting all-access and being lynched after a prank gone wrong.
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| * You can toggle the built-in Waddle Dampeners[TM] in your shoes with CTRL + Click.
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| == [[File:Bike horn.png|60px]] Pennywise the Spacing Clown ==
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| Remember that time you were terrified by a clown when you were small? Well, this is the reason why. As a traitor, while you could possibly be just funny as hell and <strike>hope</strike> people<strike> won't</strike> kill you (like using the camo projector set to "banana"), you should learn how to [[robust]] or how to break and enter! Just have fun and relax, and honk while you betray people! If all else fails, get a [[Chainsaw]] and a [[Clothes_and_internals#Headgear|Welding Helmet]] and kill people who slip on your banana peels (the scare factor is pretty high).
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| {|width=100% border="1" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="2"
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| |-
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| | rowspan = 12 align = "center" | '''Honkers on /tg/station'''<br>
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| [[File:Bike horn.png|100px|link=jobs]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #334E6D; color: white; text-align: center;" id="command" |'''Law and Order'''
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| | '''[[Captain|Condom]]''', '''[[Head of Personnel|All Access Provider]]'''
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| |-
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| | textcolor="white" style="background: #AF6365; text-align: center;" id="security" |'''Fun Police'''
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| | '''[[Head of Security|No Fun]]''', [[Security Officer|Shitcurity Officer]], [[Warden|Mortal Kombat]], [[Detective|Can't Take a Joke]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #ba9b67; text-align: center;" id="engineering" |'''Black Magicians'''
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| | '''[[Chief Engineer|Poly's Keeper]]''', [[Station Engineer|Free Insulateds]], [[Atmospheric Technician|Axe Bearer]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #a885a2; text-align: center;" id="science" |'''Harmzone™'''
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| | '''[[Research Director|Nerdo Supreme]]''', [[Scientist|Slimer/Bomber/Nerd]], [[Roboticist|Doctor Wiley]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #8cbcd6; text-align: center;" id="medical" |'''The Stage'''
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| | '''[[Chief Medical Officer|Evil Bastard]]''', [[Medical Doctor|Quack]], [[Paramedic|Great Value Quack]], [[Chemist|Druglord/Lube Source]], [[Geneticist|Enjoys Pranks]], [[Virologist|Lynch]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #92b26d; text-align: center;" id="service" | '''Goobers'''
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| | [[Janitor|Enabler]], [[Bartender|Has a Gun]], [[Cook|Has a Knife]], [[Botanist|FREE PEELS]], [[Clown|The Most Charitable and Just Clown, Peace and Blessings Upon Them]], [[Mime|Mortal Enemy]], [[Chaplain|This is No Laughing Matter]], [[Librarian|Who Let You In Here?!]], [[Prisoner|Human Shield]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #898787; text-align: center;" id="civilian" |'''Greytide'''
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| | [[Quartermaster|Hardass]], [[Cargo Technician|Bribe For Toys]], [[Shaft Miner|Bringer of Bananium]], [[Assistant|Space Ho<strike>m</strike>bos]], [[Lawyer|LOL2CAT!!!]]
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| |-
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| | style="background: #b1dff9; text-align: center;" id="nonHuman" | '''Goons'''
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| | '''[[AI|Doorknob]]''', [[Cyborg|No Humor Module]], [[Positronic Brain|Captive Audience]], [[Drone|A Fancy Hat]], [[Personal AI|Portable Supermatter Alarm]], [[Construct|No Touchie]], [[Imaginary Friend|Chained to the Floor Audience]], [[Split Personality|Hey! That Guy's Not Allowed to be Funny!]], [[Ghost|2Spooky4me]]
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| | style="background: black; color: white; text-align: center;" id="antagonist" |'''Critics'''
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| | [[Traitor|Slip Em']], [[Malfunctioning AI|EVIL Doorknob]], [[Changeling|Honk It to Death]], [[Syndicate guide|Still Slippable]], [[Wizard|Wiznerd]], [[Cult|Emos]], [[Shadowling|Death Removed]], [[Nightmare|OH FUCK DEATH NOT REMOVED]], [[Abductor|Ayyliens]], [[Xenomorph|KITTY]], [[Spider|TOP TEN PRANKS GONE WRONG]], [[Revenant|3spooky5me]], [[Space Ninja|Also Slippable]], [[Holoparasite|Your Best Friend]], [[Swarmers|Don't Cry]], [[Blob|Squishy]], [[Devil|Free All Access Guy]], [[Pirate|Yakety Sax]], [[Sentient Disease|Diarrhea Dumpster]], [[Creep|Disposals Bait]], [[Fugitives|Leather Club's Two Blocks Down]], [[Hunters|I'll Show You Who's the Boss of this Gym]], [[Space Dragon|Insurance Fraudster]], [[Pulsating Tumor|Petting Zoo]], [[Sentient Slime|Anthropomorphized]]
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| | style="text-align: center;" id="special" | '''"Special"'''
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| | '''[[Centcom Official]]''', [[Death Squad|Prank Squad Officer]], [[Emergency Response Team|Emergency Response Pranksters (ERP)]], , [[Chrono Legionnaire|Slips Through Space and Time]], [[Highlander|No Underwear]], [[Ian|Free Meat]], [[Lavaland Role|Valids]]
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| | style="background: #BBCCFF; color: black; text-align: center;" id="race" |'''Filth'''
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| | [[Lizardperson|Maximum Filth]], [[Flyperson|Vomitoriun]], [[Plasmaman|Free Internals]], [[Mothpeople|Fluttershy]], [[Podman|Literally Potatohead]], [[Golem|The Homo-Rainbow]], [[Felinids|Maximum-er Filth]], [[Ethereals|Lightbulbs]]
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| |}
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